In July of 2013 the transiting Black Moon was conjunct my
south node of the moon in my 9th house. The Black Moon (sometimes referred to
as Lilith or Black Moon Lilith) is the energetic point between Mars and Jupiter
that represents the shadow side and primary fear that blocks or undermines
happiness. It truly is our own personal
saboteur. The Dark Moon represents the darker, more
negative side of our nature. It is the shocking truth about ourselves that we frequently
deny and project onto others. It
encompasses guilt, shame, hatred, envy and the vengefulness that arise out of
our personal wounds. It also shows how we let go. It
frequently has a negative connotation as a dark and malefic astrological symbol,
but it is important to remember that the “dark feminine” is also where healing
and re-creation occur. Awakening to the
shadow side helps us to reclaim our personal power.
How did this transit play out for me? The transit of the Black Moon to the moon’s south node tends to make us uneasy or uncomfortable with routines or anything that is outworn. After all, the south node is our karmic baggage, the path of least resistance. The transit of the Black Moon through the 9th house recreates our sense of spirituality, casting a shadow over our connection with our Higher Self. I was on vacation for two weeks in July and realized how much more centered and peaceful I felt away from my job of 17 years. Ironically, I was working in a university, which is another area of life representing the 9th house. Higher education is the 9th house, in addition to spirituality, long distance travel, religion, the law and philosophy. But my administrative job was clearly not aligned with my morals or life goals. I really wanted to be doing astrology and I just didn’t have the energy to pursue my passion while I was working. It became clear to me that a “leap of faith” was required. I learned that I could resign and take my retirement money because I was over 55. I opted not to take the whole thing to avoid massive taxation, but I figured out how much I would need to survive until I turned 59 ½, when I could withdraw more funds from my rollover account without penalty. Of course, I was hoping that I wouldn’t need to use the money in another nine months. Essentially I had nine months to give birth to a new career and way of life. Otherwise I would have to go back to doing admin work full-time again to survive.
I was really stretching out of my comfort zone, taking a leap of faith that I could earn a living doing work that I loved. The south node of the moon is definitely the comfort zone, and with my south node in Cancer, that comfort zone involved taking care of others in an educational institution. But I was no longer happy doing that and I questioned if I really was serving the highest good in others because I just didn’t have the commitment to it. I tried to remember that the 9th house also represented spirituality and maybe I could manage the shift between enabling and empowering. The idea of empowering versus enabling had become a pervasive theme in my life. I also realized that I had to access that north node of mine in Capricorn, which had been getting heavy hits from transiting Pluto in Capricorn for the past two years. Capricorn is all about taking responsibility and that meant I had to take steps to create the reality I desired. I couldn’t just sit back and whine about how unfulfilled I was; I had to do something to improve my life. I had to be a grown-up and strike out on my own, taking full responsibility without blaming others for my unhappiness and be willing to take some risks to create a new life. And that terrified me! But I really felt that I had been guided to make this move, so I planned my resignation for August. Learning about financial planning was daunting, to say the least. But a few phone calls and a lot of paperwork got me started on my leap of faith.
Taking that leap of faith also entailed overcoming my seemingly endless reservoir of fears. In addition to the fear of financial failure, I was dealing with a major fear of technology. I have Mercury square Uranus, after all. I may have occasional inspirational flashes but attending to the details of using technology to implement them has always caused me tension and anxiety. In an effort to reduce my expenses, I switched cable and internet providers. In the process I nearly had a major meltdown trying to figure out how to deprogram my TiVo from recording shows that it recommended I would like. I felt like I was losing my mind and control of my life whenever I saw that recording light go on. I finally figured it out how to deprogram it and I had a new level of sanity and order in my life. Then there were all of the technical aspects involved with setting up a blog; I was well aware of my limited computer skills. All that nervous energy is not exactly well suited to the painstaking details involved in working with templates, layouts, etc.
I am also a true Scorpio, an intensely private person, yet I made a conscious decision to reveal my innermost feelings. What was up with that? I can only say that I felt compelled by the energy of that black moon transit to move forward, let go of what was no longer serving my highest good and stretch out of my comfort zone. I was releasing that steady paycheck and embracing the concept of multiple streams of income. I wanted to write, teach and do astrological charts to empower people. I had found astrology to be an incredible tool for insight and I was determined to find a way to share that with others and make a living in the process. In short, I wanted a more authentic life with a sense of purpose and spiritual fulfillment.
In addition to having the Black Moon conjuncting my south node, I also had Jupiter conjuncting my south node. I like to think of Jupiter as Santa Claus, big and jolly, bearing gifts. What was the gift in this situation? I was somewhat comforted by reading that one interpretation of this transit is that is time to reassess your connections with individuals and groups with a view to moving on with your life’s purpose. And I realized that it is not easy to let go of links from the past, particularly if one feels frightened of new experiences without the safety of past alliances. I tried to focus on the future rather than the past and have faith that as one door shuts another opens.
I am also taking a leap of faith that my upcoming astrology workshop on October 26th will attract some people who have a genuine interest in learning how knowledge of astrology can empower their relationships. I have been trying to spread the word about it and believe that those who are meant to be there will come. If you are interested in learning more about it, please go to this link:
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